I have been meaning to write this piece for some time and as we close one year and embrace another, I was moved to pen the thoughts that I have carried with me since meeting Jesse Itzler in North Carolina in 2018 at Lenoir-Rhyne where we both gave our TEDx talks.
This is how it started and how it’s going- with your love, guidance and inspiration. This is a personal thank you to every single one of you! It’s also the very first time that I have shared a moment in my life when I was completely vulnerable. It’s both freeing and frightening to write about my childhood but it’s also the first step in writing my memoir.
I was born on Christmas Day in 1965 to parents who did not love each other. It’s hard growing up a dreamer in a home where hate and dissonance is a common theme. By the time I was twelve, I wanted my life to end. I remember going into the medicine cabinet (which I now know had far more potent contents than aspirin) and while hearing my mother’s rants downstairs, took a handful of pills and proceeded to sit on the cold bathroom floor while waiting for the noise to end.
It was not death I was seeking, but instead, quiet. My mother, who was hospitalized twice for mental health reasons, has battled bipolar episodes all of her life. She vacillates between depression and anger and somewhere in between she was doing her best to raise five children. The first two ran away before the age of 18, the third, five years my senior, was rebellious and never home. That left me and my younger brother Jamie. We are 22 months apart and by the time I was eight years old, I became his mother. Did he do his homework? Was he late for school? Was his football uniform clean? Why did he fail that test?
Today, Jamie is a proud husband, father and entreprenuer and I am his biggest fan.
My nurturing started as a way to focus on something positive as well as to attempt to bring peace into our home. My parents both worked several jobs to pay the bills and to provide for us. My mother was a restaurant hostess and came home late each night. She would run circles around the young women with whom she worked. My father was a foreman who proudly paved the roads across New Jersey and taught me to do every job with dignity and integrity. It was my father who bathed us and got us ready for bed and he did so after long days in the hot sun on the blistering pavement. Both parents never went a day without encouraging hard work, good manners and grit.
When I inquired about college, my parents said that they had no money and to figure it out. My mother suggested beauty school. Yet, everything about me said that I wanted to make an impact in the world. My empathy, patience, work ethic and dreams were all screaming for intentional opportunities to make a difference. I vowed that I would find a way to achieve the future that I had envisioned for myself.
In high school. I had two mentors who guided me through the college process. My boyfriend’s mother- a graduate herself (now 95) and the mother of seven, helped me to complete the paperwork and purchased my first dictionary. When I graduated college, she took me to the mall and bought me my very first suit which I wore for years, until my body diminished in size.
Another mentor was my student council advisor. She brought out the best in me, encouraging me to run for many school positions and to apply to college. With her guidance, I became a student council President, school secretary, yearbook editor, a performer in plays and so much more.
I am still in touch with both ladies today and at least once a year, write cards of gratitude to them for believing in me so many years ago.
I graduated from the College of NJ in 1988, the first in my family to do so; I worked three jobs to finance my education, with a dual major- Early Childhood Education and English. I got the first job I ever interviewed for and welcomed teaching and my students with enormous enthusiasm and creativity. I loved being a mentor to young minds seeking inspiration and hope for their futures- as my teachers had done for me. Teaching felt like I was utilizing many of my skills, but not all of them. I wanted to be mentored too. I wanted to learn and grow with others. I wanted to teach writing, but to also write my first novel.
From that point on, life was so busy and I had little time to obtain mentors.
While teaching language arts to one hundred and thirty middle school students, I met Kevin O’Donnell (his mother was the Reading Specialist where I worked) who would later become my husband and the father of our child Alina. We married in our late twenties and a few years later, had a little girl and shortly thereafter, an ALS diagnosis; Kevin was terminally ill at the age of thirty.
When you are someone’s arms, hands, voice, advocate, there is little time for yourself.
When you are raising a small child while being a caregiver, there is little time for yourself.
It’s hard to find a mentor when you are concentrating on being one.
As I was nuturing our daughter’s growth, I was assisting my husband who became increasingly dependent because of his disease.
When we lost Kevin in 2001, he was speechless, paralyzed, feeding tube and ventilator dependent. He was also brave, kind and funny. His last words to a room full of family and friends were, “Please take care of my girls.”
In the six years that I provided care to my husband, we advocated for an ALS cure, funding and awareness. This included, among many things, speaking on Capitol Hill, appearing on television, addressing Congress and speaking at an FDA hearing. We even spoke to the Philadelphia Phillies, for six years, about our life with ALS. I will always remember the day when Darren Dalton changed into his uniform in front of us while I was sharing our personal journey and the toll it was taking on my husband. Kevin was by my side, in his power wheelchair.
Everywhere I went, I was hoping to find a mentor. Instead, people were seeking me. They saw a strong, brave and educated woman who seemed to being doing the impossible. The truth was that I felt scared, lonely, exhausted and defeated. While friends were having more children and getting their second home and launching careers, we were formulating how to safely transfer Kevin into bed or if the letter his lips desperately tried to produce was an A or an O.
Life continues to happen and blessings can occur after enormous loss. Three years after losing Kevin I married Warren Benton Ames (who also lost his wife to ALS) and became the proud bonus mom of his two children, Nora and Adam. Those days were busy nurturing the wellbeing of my family and making sure that all three of our children were mentally and physically healthy, independent, compassionate and confident. As they began to find their place in this world, I began to find time for me.
In 2012, in honor of our children, I founded Hope Loves Company– the only non profit in the U.S. with the mission of providing both educational and emotional support to children and young adults who had or have had a parent living with ALS. My extensive work and dedication were the result of my upbringing, and numerous hours of research and cold calls to executive directors who knew more than me. It would have been so helpful to pursue my goals with the assistance of a mentor and confidant. Today, HLC runs six free camps across the country for families affected by ALS, offers scholarships, Hugs of Hope care packages and so much more.
My journey and purpose carried me into my fifties and I did my best with the limited resources I had until the moment when I met Jesse Itzler on the TEDx stage in North Carolina.
Jesse is the first person I have met who is humbly successful. He was dressed in blue jeans and a t-shirt, and was quiet and unassuming. He presented a fun and engaging Happiness Meter talk that had us all smiling, laughing and nodding with the power of his words. I felt an immediate connection and knew that he could be the mentor I had been seeking my entire adult life.
When I got back from North Carolina, I immediately signed up for BYLR and then soon after, BACC. That brought me to 30DOE which introduced me to the incredible community that is Build Your Life Resume.
All of these years I have felt hungry for information, for guidance and for practical examples of what my life could be. This community has fulfilled that search. I have gained insight from every meeting and presentation shared. I now complete my calendar with far more experiences than meetings, I have tried new things and met new people. I have found my place, my tribe and my mentors. We are the outliers.
Over the last three years as the result of meeting Jesse, I proudly had the courage to step away from running Hope Loves Company to do what I love doing, volunteering with our families. I launched my podcast, Gratitude to Latitude and have shared 19 interviews so far. I launched my career as a paid coach and speaker and felt empowered with each decision. I learned how to fast properly, bathe in ice water (still not a fan!), increase muscle and decrease negativity.
I have shared lunches, coffees, phone calls, texts, cards, hugs, podcasts and resources with the extraordinary members of this community. I have paid attention to every person who, like me, had to find their way after loss, pain, challenges and hard knocks. You inspire me.
I am forever changed because of all of you.
I am forever grateful to Jesse for providing an answer to my search.
Happy Holidays to all of you! Thank you for being a part of my journey and for allowing me to admire yours. Here’s to welcoming 2022 with vigor, passion, love and success!
In gratitude,
Jodi
Jesse’s TEDx: https://www.ted.com/talks/jesse_itzler_the_happiness_meter
Jodi’s TEDx: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5o_Fn39tsk
Jodi O'Donnell-Ames 